


Life is but a Tabletop Roleplaying Game

by Mishafer



Series: Saturating the Reibert tag with Actual Reibert Fics [13]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Attempt at Humor, Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition, Eventual Sex, M/M, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-07-08 09:37:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15927746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mishafer/pseuds/Mishafer
Summary: On hold indefinitely. I can't find any interest or inspiration for this story.A budding relationship is wonderful, but life keeps Reiner and Bertholdt stressed. That, and the unspoken question of consummating their courtship remains in the air. So they decide it's best to work on these issues by playing Dungeons and Dragons with their friends.





	1. Session Zero

**Author's Note:**

> First, I worked Ymir and Historia in because I just need them right now. Second, I'm dying to fit Gabi into this verse because I love her to bits, so expect her to come along at some point. Third, I'm not D&D expert, but hopefully know enough to make this believable. 
> 
> So glad to *FINALLY* get this part out after almost a year.

Bertholdt ran his index finger over the row of books in the paranormal section. Ghosts. Psychics. Cryptids. Demons. He had been swayed some by evidence in books and documentaries, but his quest continued for something to make him truly believe. Mostly though, he wanted to know why Reiner believed such things.

“Hey, Bertl,” Ymir’s voice rang. “So glad I ran into you.”

Bertholdt turned to her. “Hi, Ymir. What brings you here?”

_Ugh, that rhymed._

“Monster books.”

“Monster books?”

“Of the Dungeons and Dragons variety.” She placed a hand on her hip. “Alright, I’m gonna cut to the chase here: we’ve always had a uh, an understanding. A special sort of bond. No?”

For reasons unknown, Ymir was nicer to him than others. She worked to ensure they both got an A when lab partners when normally she’d put in the bare minimum for a passing grade. She was also the one to first call him ‘Bertl.’

“Yeah," he answered. "I think so."

“Well, Historia and I are looking to start a DnD game. You played some of the computer games, right?” He nodded. “We’d love for you to join us.” She twiddled her fingers together expectantly.

Though intriguing, live games with many people were stressful. “Maybe.”

She slapped his arm. “Oh, it’ll be fun. If Historia can get into it, you can too.”

He gave a reassuring smile. “I’ll think about it.”

“Good. And you can even invite the gorilla. We all know he’s a secret nerd.”

“’The gorilla?’” He deflated. “Is that what you’re calling Reiner now?”

Ymir raised her hands. “Historia started it.”

“Yeah well, I’ll call if I decide to.”

“Great.” She backed away and passed Bertholdt’s mother, Gianna. “Hey, Missus Hoover.”

“Hello, Ymir.” She waved with her bookless hand.

Bertholdt leaned in to see the books she picked out. They looked to be fiction novels. He frowned. “You got those?”

She nodded and clutched them to her chest. “Nice relaxing science-fiction to waste the days away.”

He had suggested she get ones about coping with a new illness. She hadn’t slowed down since the leukemia diagnosis. And while she was predicted to recover, not curbing her pace would delay the process. Though Bertholdt decided against pushing it and plucked from the shelf a book on mediums.

After checking out, Bertholdt offered to drive. Earning a hushed sigh from Gianna.

She buckled herself in the driver’s seat. “Driving myself the five miles to your dojo won’t exhaust me.”

“I know, I just thought some rest would be good.”

She hung her head. “I am just fine.”

Bertholdt sunk in his seat. He may have gotten his mother’s nose and skintone, but he didn’t get her ‘don’t worry be happy’ mentality. Mina was the same way, while his father was as much of a worrier as him.

He hoped being back at the dojo would burn off his stress. Then remembered it would be the first time seeing his sensei after having been sick in front of him as well as been found stuck in a barrel.

He sunk further in his seat.

***

“You keep trying to pummel through your emotions with eyes closed instead of facing them with eyes open.”

Bertholdt never understood why Levi chose such mystical lines of encouragement (perhaps an Ackerman thing?). But he was always right. His anxiety and embarrassment left his technique sloppy.

Levi tossed him a towel. “Get changed and go home.”

He had a half mind to demand a rematch, but decided himself too tired to be stubborn. Reluctantly padding to the small locker room and changing from his robes to his normal clothes. His favored body wash was at home so he elected to shower when he returned. He sat on the bench and ran the towel over his sweat-slicked face as his mind swirled.

Footsteps soon sounded and Reiner strolled in jingling his car keys. “Ready to go?”

Reiner wore a polo a size too small. Accentuating his filled-out chest and the dips in his waist. Bertholdt’s mouth watered. Something inside snapping as he pounced. Reiner began to speak but Bertholdt grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him in for a kiss. Reiner went stiff for a moment before melting like butter and kissing back. Pent up nerves flowing from his veins to the mouth he enveloped. Smacking and little whines passing between them before Bertholdt pulled back. Resting his forehead on Reiner’s temple.

Reiner let out a short breath. “Is—is that your new way of greeting me?”

He let go of his shirt. The fabric crumpled from the force of his grip. “Sorry, I have a lot of pent up stress. Don’t know where to put it.”

“Do not ever apologize for doing that. Please keep putting your pent up stress there.” He started for his mouth again when Bertholdt ducked out of the way.

“Actually, we shouldn’t in case Levi walks in. I’ve had enough of him seeing me... you know.”

He pouted. “You sure? You look like you have a lot of stress left.”

Bertholdt managed to find a laugh in his gut. “Come on.”

He followed and they left the building then climbed into Karina’s nineties sedan. Karina; the one he chewed out over the phone for only calling Reiner for their card's pin number. Bertholdt had avoided her since returning home from their vacation a week prior. Though he knew he couldn't avoid her forever, he was going to damned well try.

Reiner turned the key. “You wanna comfort eat somewhere?”

“I’d rather just go home.”

“Alright.” He back out of the parking spot and they started home.

Bertholdt stared out the window the short drive. His thoughts stirred with many things. Ymir’s offer being one, but drifted back to the make out. Glancing at Reiner’s pouty lips as they complained about traffic. Imagining how they’d feel on his chest, and his stomach, and his...

Reiner pulled into the driveway of the Hoover’s bungalow. Inside, the family’s black cat, Piper, lay on the kitchen island.

“Hey, you’re not supposed to be up there,” Bertholdt said, and lifted her from the surface. She purred and bunted against his chin while he scratched behind her ears. His body began to unwind.

Reiner stood gazing warmly at him as if captivated by a beautiful painting.

Bertholdt bit a smile into his cheek then set Piper down. The cat meowed at him, but he reassured that her food dish was full, then told Reiner, “I need to go shower real quick.”

Reiner caught his hand on the way. “Then after let’s do something grossly coupley like play Scrabble.”

“That sounds fun. Everyone will be home soon, we can eat and then play?” Reiner confirmed and Bertholdt hurried to the hall bathroom.

The hot water and familiar scent of lavender almost made him dizzy. Rinsing away the sweat and tension of the day. He came back out and found Reiner on the sofa with Piper in his lap.

“That’s definitely not Scrabble,” Bertholdt said, plopping down beside him.

Reiner patted her head. “She jumped me before I got the chance.” He leaned in and took a deep inhale. “You and your lavender body wash, I swear.”

“It’s from Costco if you want a bottle.”

“Oh, I tried desperately to convince mom. But she didn’t want to join because she prefers the Piggly Wiggly for some ungodly reason.”

He raised a brow. “You tried ’desperately?’”

He rested his elbow against the back cushion. “Can I tell you something?”

“Anything.”

“I uh, had actually wanted a bottle because the smell reminded me of you. I already did that with the laundry soap you use because they sell it everywhere.” He looked down. “So... that’s creepy.”

Was he  _blushing_? Reiner seldom blushed.

Bertholdt’s heart buzzed and a grin claimed his lips. “That’s not creepy, that’s really sweet.” Had Reiner really pined for him that much? He rubbed the back of his neck. Perhaps it was time he fessed up too. “You know, I would hug my body pillow and pretend it was you.”

“The fish one?” The pillow had the print of a clown fish plus protruding fins. He knew he ought to get one more adult but the thing was so snuggy. “Well, it wasn’t about what it looks like.”

He laughed. “That’s  _really_  sweet.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, of course it is.” He held out his arms. “C’mere.”

Bertholdt eased forward, trying not to bother Piper but having to adjust her. She bathed her foot and resumed a place beside the two.

“Sorry I don’t have fins,” Reiner said.

Bertholdt slapped his arm. “Don’t insult my pillow.”

“I’m not. It has very nice fins.”

He nuzzled him. “You know what? I think I want to start DnD with Ymir.”

“You wanna what with who?”

“At the bookstore earlier, I ran into Ymir and she asked if I wanted to get into Dungeons and Dragons with her. I said maybe, but I think I want to do it now. It’ll get my mind off things.”

He felt Reiner’s toes wiggle. “Oh? Did she say anything about—”

“She said you could play too.”

“Need to make a character then. I mean, at some point. Whenever’s fine.”

Reiner was adorable trying to curb his obvious excitement. ‘Secret nerd’ indeed. Bertholdt knew he was already mentally designing his staple warrior character. The one he made for every game with custom character options.

“After dinner maybe?” Reiner added. “We can still do Scrabble, but maybe learn about DnD gameplay after?”

“Let’s do just DnD tonight. Scrabble can wait.”

***

Bertholdt and Reiner confirmed their interest to Ymir who informed them Pieck had volunteered as dungeon master since she’d been one for online games in the past. The two then spent their evening learning the rules online. Sparking Bertholdt’s memory from the video games he played years earlier. Reiner’s giddiness filled him with affection. Listening to him read aloud info about the different sword types until Bertholdt nodded off on his shoulder.

The following day, Historia invited Ymir, Pieck, Reiner, and Bertholdt to her house for a session zero. Bertholdt had only been to the Reiss mansion once for Historia’s fourteenth birthday. The party included a fountain of truffle oil, full violin band, and the gift of a thoroughbred miniature horse. Her family’s fortune from the Reiss clothing line also allowed her to present each guest with a piece from its upcoming line. Bertholdt still clung to his powder blue button-up despite having long outgrown it.

The five met in a cozy Victorian-style study with a burgundy Afghan on each sofa and chair. Character sheets and manuals lay spread across the coffee table. Pieck told them her idea for their first mission so they could build their characters to fit. A forest, undead, an abandoned tower, and treasure.

Pieck dropped her Dungeon Master’s Guide on the table. “Alright, read it again last night to make sure I’m totally prepared.”

Ymir gawked. “The whole thing?”

“Fast reader.”

“Nice, creepy girl.”

Reiner scoffed. “Rude, Ymir.”

Pieck shrugged a shoulder. “No, she’s right.”

Historia’s white Persian cat, Dynasty, turned around where she’d been resting beneath her Historia’s shirt. She patted the lump. “Everytime she does this I look pregnant.” She shook her head. “Anyway, Ymir, would you get me a sheet and that book so I don’t disturb her?”

 _The lengths we go to not disturb cats..._  Bertholdt thought.

Ymir grabbed her a sheet and one of the books from the table. “Yes, your majesty.”

The rest took a sheet for themselves. Bertholdt licked his lips as his brain swam with ideas.

Reiner nudged his shoulder. “Hey, we should make our characters lovers.”

“Lovers? Uh, well I was thinking of making sort of a loner type.”

“Oh, you’re no fun.”

“We can be friends.”

Ymir whistled as she scribbled. “Using the ‘let’s just be friends’ line before your characters are even named? That’s some record time rejection.”

“Ice cold,” Pieck said, shaking her head and reclining in her armchair.

“Wouldn’t a lover be distracting from your paladin’s oath?” Bertholdt asked Reiner.

“Why do you think I’m going to choose paladin?” he replied.

He gestured to his sheet. “Because you already have it written in your class space.”

“Meh, if you’re gonna be like this, I’m moving over here.” He scooted a cushion’s distance away.

Bertholdt smiled a little then started filling in his basic info. Tommen. Human. Ranger. Neutral Good. Preferred solitude, but enjoyed helping out when he could. He frowned at the paper. The character was too similar to himself. Sure, one’s first character resembling the player might make it easier, but it was also boring. Squinting, he erased the Neutral Good alignment and replaced it with True Neutral. Then added a section describing him as a flirt and lover of one-night stands. How well he would play such a personality was uncertain. But the challenge would be fun.

He used the book beneath him to reference his skills and bonuses. Weighing the pros and cons of each when Ymir waved her sheet in the air, proclaiming, “Done.”

“About done with mine too,” Reiner said. Ymir snatched his sheet. “Hey!”

“Lemme guess, a complete self-insert.” Her eyes scanned the profile. “Jonas. Human paladin, six-one, sandy blond hair. Oh, please.”

Reiner yanked the paper back. “He’s also tempted by the darkness he’s sworn to fight against. Am I tempted by the darkness I’m devoted my life to fighting against? Don’t think so.”

Pieck hummed. “We all need to dip our toes into the abyss sometimes.”

Reiner clicked his tongue. “Right... so what’s your freak of nature?” Ymir handed him hers with a cheeky smile. Bertholdt scooted to Reiner's side for a better view. “Sodoma. Tiefling. Rogue. Neutral Evil. Dark blue hair and red eyes, five-eight. Obsessed with leather. Steals more of it than she can carry. A hoarder. Hm. Interesting.”

“Ooh, I think our characters will get along,” Historia said, then held up her sheet and cleared her throat. ”Chrysta. Gnome. Wizard. Chaotic Neutral. Brunette who always wears her long hair in a fishtail braid down her back. When a child, she was so much of a compulsive liar a sorcerer cursed her so that she may never lie. She now studies magic to undo her curse so she may get back to her mischievous ways.”

“Nice,” Ymir said, clapping her fingers together. “I like her already.”

Reiner nudged Bertholdt. “I want to hear yours.” Bertholdt hated reading aloud so he handed his to Reiner. “Tommen. Human ranger. True Neutral. Five-ten, auburn hair, hazel eyes. A loner but flirtatious. Gets distracted easily by attractive people.” He breathed a puff of air. “Wow, Bertholdt.”

“Seriously?” Historia asked. Ymir made excited noises and Pieck hummed. Bertholdt bit back a smirk.

“He sounds hot,” Reiner said. “Whew.”

Bertholdt rolled his eyes. “I could’ve made him a half-orc who spoke by screeching and was always covered in slime and you’d say he was hot.”

“I’d warm up to it.”

Pieck moved to a sitting position and stretched. “I’m glad you’re trying to address your discomfort around sexual expression through a promiscuous character.”

Bertholdt choked. “I what?” The others turned their attention to Pieck, dead silent.

“You ooze an obnoxious mix of desire and fear.”

Bertholdt sweat, wanting to roll under the sofa and hide when a buzz sounded from the speakeasy by the door.

_Oh thank god._

Ymir hopped up. “Did we invite anyone else over?”

“No,” Historia said with a pointed glare at the foyer.

Ymir pressed the button and in floated a familiar nasal voice. “Let us in! We wanna play too!”

Galliard.

“’We?’” Ymir questioned.

“Marcel and Annie are here too.”

“Let them in,” Historia said with a sigh.

Bertholdt physically felt Galliard’s fierce energy zip from the gate to the front door. He barreled in, Marcel and Annie on either side. Ymir leaned against the archway and watched them like they were live theater.

“You can’t keep us out,” he declared.

“No way,” Marcel agreed, crossing his arms.

Annie shrugged. “I don’t really care, I just wanted to see where this went.”

Pieck lazily raised a hand. “No one’s trying to keep you out. More than four players is just kind of crowded for one game—especially the first.”

“Yeah, go ahead and make some characters,” Reiner said, gesturing to the remaining sheets on the table.

“You can watch us when we play,” Historia offered, gaze landing on Galliard. "Quietly."

Ymir pouted. “Aw, did you think we’d started a secret 'No Galliard, Marcel, and Annie club?'”

Galliard deflated. “No, I just...”

Marcel groaned at his brother. “You had me all riled-up that we were being phased out.”

“I didn’t,” Annie said, then pointed a thumb at Galliard. “I just wanted to see him go off.”

Pieck gave her boyfriend an adoring smile. “It  _was_  cute.”

Bertholdt covered his mouth to hide a laugh.

Galliard sneered. “I expected better from you, Bertholdt.”

He batted his lashes—a trick he’d used on Reiner. “I’ll help you figure out your character.”

His expression relaxed. “Well, I was gonna have Pieck... but okay.”

Pieck gave a nod of approval as the others settled into place. “Bertholdt’s using his character to explore his sexuality.”

Every muscle of Bertholdt’s body—including ones he didn’t know he had—clenched tight.

Ymir cackled and Reiner said, “Leave Bertholdt’s sexy character alone.”

Bertholdt put his elbows on the thighs and hid his face.

Historia bolted upright. “Whose prints are those?” She pointed to the dark shoe prints on the once immaculate salmon carpet.

All eyes followed the trail to where Marcel sat.

“Oh, I guess I stepped in the fertilizer. Sorry, I thought I got it all off.”

She held in a small gasp, but smiled. “That’s okay, Marcel. I’ll just text the maid.”

Ymir licked her lips at Marcel. “You need me to... eat him?”

“Ymir, no, you said you’d stop doing that. It’s been ten years.”

Ymir ignored her and crept up on him. Marcel cringed, sputtering, “H—hey.”

A mini-scream sounded followed by Ymir chasing him out of the room. Historia sighed and typed on her phone as the others shrugged it off. There was nothing to do when Ymir started chasing Marcel other than wait it out.

Bertholdt began explaining the basic idea of DnD to Galliard. A chill made him pull the Afghan behind him into his lap.

Historia chimed in, “You can have that if you want.”

Bertholdt shook his head. “Oh, no I couldn’t.”

“There’s four more in here already. Father bought them last season anyway." She smirked. "He doesn’t need them.”

"No, no, no," Reiner said. "You're gonna give him a taste for expensive things. I'm not made of money. I can't support that."

Historia shrugged and continued texting.

Bertholdt blinked, fingers idly rubbing the soft fabric of the Afghan. Realizing Reiner's joke didn't mean he couldn't support that now, but in the future. Reiner had likely already set a wedding date in his mind. Bertholdt smiled to himself and resumed helping Galliard.


	2. Stupid, Sexy, Ranger!

“Is that really what you’re going to do all day?” Karina asked, fluffing the armchair’s pillows.

“Yes,” Reiner answered, reclined on the sofa tweaking his character, Jonas. Ymir’s ‘self-insert’ accusation made him change the paladin’s eye color from hazel to an ashy green.

“And applying for jobs?” Karina added.

Reiner raised a hand to his cheek. “I knew there something I forgot. That whole being a productive member of society thing.”

She smiled lightly, then sat down beside him. “Kenny Ackerman said he’d hire you at the tire place, didn’t he?”

Reiner held in a groan at working for Kenny. The man was known to be shady, but more preferable places had already hired their high school summer job applicants. And Mikasa heard from Levi who heard from his mother, Kuchel, that Kenny would hire him on with ‘friend of the family benefits.’ Whatever that meant.

“Yeah,” Reiner replied. “It’s just... it’s Kenny.”

“Ah, you know in the working world you can’t always pick the best jobs. Sometimes it’s what you can get.”

He sighed and lay back against the sofa. “Yeah. That’s another one of those adult things.”

A silence fell as Reiner’s mind spun about the job.

“You know,” Karina began, resting her hands on her lap, “it’s been over a week and I haven’t brought up what Bertholdt said to me on the phone.”

He tensed. He’d hoped that would be forgotten. Bertholdt had mastered the art of avoiding her in the meantime. Or mostly mastered. The previous day he darted behind the bookshelf with a crash when Karina got home.

“Bertholdt was right to say what he did,” she continued, face growing long. “I hope you didn’t give him a hard time about it.”

Reiner sat up. “He gave himself a hard time about it.”

“Well, he was right. I did just call about the pin number and not to ask how your trip was going.” She sighed and cast her gaze downward. “You’re lucky to have someone like him to stand up for you. And friends who look up to you. I heard about pushing Eren away from the fire at Zeke’s and letting yourself get burned.”

“It was nothing. And Eren would've have whined about a little burn like crazy.”

“It was not nothing. I also saw your post on Facebook about becoming a firefighter. I think that’s perfect.”

“It’s just a maybe.”

“Well, regardless, these things... I didn’t hear about from you. I heard it from Bertholdt, and Zeke, and Facebook.”

His jaw clenched, wanting to say it was because she never asked. Though speaking back to his mother was unthinkable. As much as he wanted to say the things Bertholdt had, he felt it wasn’t his place.

“Sorry,” he said.

“And I’m sorry I don’t ask.”

He blinked. “Really?”

“Yes. Like, what are you doing here?" She pointed to the character sheet. "You said it was for some table game?”

He nodded. “Yeah. Dungeons and Dragons.”

“See, that’s the kind of thing I want to know about.” She scooted closer. “Reiner, you’re almost eighteen, and you’re so ambitious that whatever you do will take you places far away from here. I don’t want to look back and regret having never been there when you were here with me. Not like I regret with my brother.”

Karina and her brother, Otto, had barely spoken in a decade. Over a quarrel Reiner had trouble recalling.

Reiner’s lips parted but he said nothing. Uncertain what words would be right for such unexpected confession besides, “Is this all because of what Bertholdt said?”

“No, not all of it. It’s been on my mind for a while. That just sort of opened it up. I also think it's time to call Otto.”

“Oh?”

She nodded, a small smile creeping onto her weary face. “I’m terrified to, but I need to. I mean, Gabi will be twelve now.”

”Yeah, Gabi. She was a wild child.”

Reiner had last seen his cousin when he was seven and she was two. The toddler always followed him around as if he were the most fascinating thing ever. Calling him ‘Neino’ because she couldn’t pronounce ‘Reiner.’

Reiner smiled fondly at the memory. “I’d love to see her again.” He placed a hand on Karina’s. “And hey, I’ll be the one to dial his number, send the text, the message or whatever if it makes it easier.”

***

“So she’s not mad at you,” Reiner explained to Bertholdt over the phone. The device pressed close to his ear to drown out the racket of the tire place.

“Alright,” he replied. Tone a mixture of relief and worry only Bertholdt could convey.

The door to the back swung open followed by the unmistakable—and a bit frightening—presence of Kenny.

“Hey, gotta go,” Reiner said. “I’ll pick you up later?” The first DnD game was set for Historia’s house that evening.

“See you then.”

They said goodbye, and Kenny’s shadow crept over him. He felt less like he was about to have an interview and more like he was about to taken to death row.

“First question, son,” Kenny asked, “you don’t mind being paid under minimum wage, right?”

Reiner turned to face him, hoping for a sign of jest but finding none. “Well, I’d rather—”

“Good, good ‘cause I can only give five-twenty-two an hour plus tips.”

Tips? What was he getting _tips_ for?

_I promised mom, I promised mom. She’s right, I need to get work experience..._

He glanced toward the back door he’d emerged from with its menacing 'KEEP OUT' sign.

“I’m not going to have to do anything illegal, right?” He forced a laugh.

“You specifically?” He cocked his head. “...No.”

Oh, this would be fun.

***

“Wait, Reiner, why are—”

“I’m just doing what you did,” Reiner said with a wet kiss. “Putting that stress somewhere.”

Bertholdt gestured to the car’s digital clock. “Well, we have to go, you know.”

Reiner let out a whine and pouted. “I guess.”

He wiped his mouth. “So uh, I take it the interview wasn’t good?”

He started the car. “Oh, I got the job. It’s just I have a feeling it’s gonna be intense.”

“It is Kenny, so I imagine.”

His grip tightened on the steering wheel. “That back room that I’m not allowed into is gonna give me nightmares.”

“I’ll keep my phone on then so if you do, you can call or text.”

“And interrupt your beauty sleep?”

“Ah, I’ll live.”

Reiner leaned back in his seat. Already relaxing as he and Bertholdt chatted about their upcoming game. His toes wiggled as they neared the Reiss mansion. He wondered if Bertholdt could tell he was trying to contain his excitement. The lavish neighborhood felt too good for his mother’s old sedan. Feeling the residents’ eyes on him as the car coughed its way to the house. He was torn between feeling self conscious and laughing. Stepping out, Reiner twiddled his fingers and pressed the speakeasy.

“You assholes finally here?” Ymir replied after a few moments.

Reiner checked his phone—just past six. “We’re on time.”

“Late as fuck if you ask me. You know my queen appreciates punctuality.”

“We’re sorry, Ymir,” Bertholdt said, giving Reiner the briefest of glances.

_You kissed back._

“Then we accept,” Ymir said and buzzed them in. “Also, y’all are gonna flip when you see what’s here.”

“See what?” Bertholdt asked.

“You’ll see.”

Reiner power-walked through the opened gate and flower-lined path.

Bertholdt raised an eyebrow. “Don’t tell me you’re excited or something.”

His shoulders slumped. “Maybe a little.”

Bertholdt hummed in contemplation and Ymir swung open the door. Then pulled the two by their hands toward the grand staircase.

Reiner grumbled. “Why do you have to man-handle everyone?”

“Shut up, gorilla,” she retorted, and lead them to a room near the back of the house.

Reiner gaped, freezing beside Bertholdt as he took in the sight. “Oh my god,” they said in unison.

Filling the middle of the library was an expansive game table with rolling green hills, trees, a castle, ruins, stream, and other features. Reiner had expected a sketched paper map and Legos. Upon reflection, he knew he shouldn’t have—Historia always went the extra mile.

“Isn’t it awesome!?” Marcel exclaimed from the side. “Even Annie gasped when she saw it. Right?”

Annie shrugged. “I wasn’t expecting it is all.”

Reiner and Bertholdt walked up and down the table.

Reiner touched the terrain and noted its plushness. “Whoa...”

Ymir wrapped an arm around Historia and pulled her close. “You can always count on my Historia to deliver.”

Historia leaned into Ymir. “It’s nothing. Oh, I hope the figurines are okay.” Reiner spotted the four two-inch high plastic figures. A knight, a rogue, a gnome, and a hunter. “I couldn’t get them customized on time.”

Reiner picked up the knight, his eyes shimmering. “This is great.”

“It really is,” Bertholdt agreed. “I don’t know how to say thank you.”

“By playing,” Pieck chimed in from where she leaned against the wall beside Galliard. She strolled over to the end of the table where the dungeon master’s divider sat.

The four players gathered by the table. Discussing how the game would commence and Historia telling them snacks would be provided half way though the game. The atmosphere was so professional Reiner bit his cheek.

After the chatter, Pieck closed her eyes. Reiner waited, the room so quiet one could hear a pin drop. “In the countryside," she began, "there have been a wave of robberies, some ending in death. Skeletons raised from the local graveyard have been stealing what little wealth the poor, poor peasants have. Their gold, their wedding bands, the silken robe they saved up all their coin to buy after selling a good harvest. Those who have defended themselves have paid dearly with their lives.”

Reiner hung on every word as if in a trance.

“It’s believed a necromancer has taken to the castle ruins and is commanding the undead to take from villagers. A gold reward has been offered by the mayor to take care of this threat. You four have shown up to take on the task. Yet, it seems you have different motives for doing so. The mayor stands outside the hall, face grim, but hopeful. He begins with, ‘Aye, paladin.’” Reiner jumped a little, unsure why the mayor had a pirate’s voice. Surprised Pieck could do such an animated accent in contrast to her normal monotone pitch.

“’What is your intent here?’” Pieck ‘the mayor’ asked.

Reiner smirked, knowing Jonas was the only one with true noble intent. “I am Jonas, and the forces of evil are terrorizing these innocent people. It is my duty to protect and serve them. Though I shall do so without the need of a reward. The service to the greater good is enough.”

“I add that my character snickers,” Ymir said.

“And mine says, ‘hush, fiend.’”

Ymir turned Sodoma’s figure toward Reiner’s. “How judgey mister ‘for the greater good.’”

Pieck chimed in, “The mayor says, ‘aye, shut the fuck up!’” Both Ymir and Reiner laughed. “Onto you, gnome.”

Historia cleared her throat and spoke with a high-pitch, “’I heard the necromancer is in possession of a scroll that undoes curses. I’m under a certain spell where I can’t lie.'” She huffed. “'I don’t like it.’”

“'So I can count you’re being honest? No ulterior motives?'”

“’None. I don’t want the treasure, I just want the scroll.’” She turned her figure toward Reiner. “I’ll work with them to get it regardless if I think they’re dull.’” She turned her figure to Sodoma. “Brash.” Then Tommen. “Mm, you seem okay. Oddly wild-looking though.”

Bertholdt hesitated, glancing to the three who watched from the sidelines, then to his fellow players. “’Ah, yes, well there’s not much in the way of luxuries in the forest.’”

Reiner leaned in to Bertholdt. “No special voice?”

“No, not this time.”

Reiner frowned a little. He recognized Bertholdt’s stage fright when he saw it. He went in a tad closer and gently rubbed his lower back in reassurance.

“’And you, ranger?’” Pieck ‘the mayor’ asked.

‘“I am Tommen. I’ve tried to slay these skeletons on my own but I cannot. I’m happy to join with anyone to get the task done. Who gets the gold may be decided among the rest, I'm not interested.'” He bit his lip and Reiner felt his back muscles tense against his hand. “’And if I impress any attractive townsfolk, I wouldn’t mind.’”

Reiner patted his back before removing his hand. “Oh boy.”

A barely audible ‘Reiner...’ passed his lips.

"'And lastly, the tiefling,'" Pieck 'the mayor' said.

"'Name's Sodoma, and I'm just here for the sweet, sweet gold,'" Ymir 'Sodoma' boasted. "'Nothing more you need know'"

“'So,'” Pieck ‘the mayor’ started, “'I take it you four will join together?’” They agreed, and Pieck began to narrate once more. “As you gather your equipment and make it to the forest, a chilly wind whips around you. A sour-sweet scent in the air only present when a necromancer has risen the dead. How do you react? Jonas?’”

Time for Jonas’ buried lust for darkness.

“’The stench of evil is ripe and putrid,’” Reiner ‘Jonas’ bellowed. “I grip my blade.” He raised an invisible sword in the air, imagining its sparkle against the sunlight. The entire room’s eyes followed the phantom sword.

Okay maybe that was over the top. But in his mind, he had an amazing sword with near supernatural luminescence.

“But he clenched his jaw,” Reiner added.

“Roll a wisdom check on our overly-righteous paladin,” Pieck said.

Was a dungeon master supposed to insult the characters? It was true, but still...

The other three rolled. Tommen and Chrysta succeeded in picking up on Jonas’ conflicting expression.

Bertholdt slid his character figure toward Jonas. “’You don’t look as optimistic as you say.’”

Historia’s character squeaked, “‘I agree. Why the sour look?’”

“’You misread me,’” Reiner ‘Jonas’ replied.

Ymir slid her figure forward. “’I thought a paladin would never lie.”

“So uh, can I lose it a little here?” Reiner asked Pieck. “I wouldn’t wanna step on your toes.”

Pieck gave a nod. “Please do.”

Ymir rubbed her hands together and chanted, “Lose it, lose it, lose it!”

Reiner licked his lips. “Jonas darts in front of her, yelling, ‘Hush, fiend! I will strike you down here as you stand! I shouldn’t even be allowing you to breathe.’”

“Reactions?” Pieck questioned.

Ymir huffed. “’I’d like to see you try.’”

“Chrysta watches," Historia said. "But prepares to use a spell if one of them attacks.”

Bertholdt said, “I call out for them to stop, ‘Don’t ruin this expedition. We can fight about good versus evil afterwards.’”

“Roll a charisma check,” Pieck said. Bertholdt rolled and succeeded. “Both step away from one another.”

Reiner touched Bertholdt’s shoulder. “’He’s right. This is not the time nor the place.’”

Bertholdt squinted. “...Is Jonas touching Tommen too?”

“Hm? Oh, probably not. Why, you want him to?”

“I think he’d—”

“Suddenly!” Pieck cried out, “three skeletons shamble out from the woods. Jonas’ yelling having alerted them.”

Galliard scoffed from the other side of the room. Reiner looked forward to putting the sniveling berserker character he created in his place.

Ymir rolled her eyes. “Thanks a lot.”

“Hey, he’s complex,” Reiner replied.

“He can be complex a little more quietly.”

Pieck continued, “Two are armed with short swords and shields and one carries a short bow.”

The four armed and prepared for battle. The skeletons were a simple battle, but Tommen had his arm grazed by an arrow touched with serpent venom. His saving throw succeeded and he took only half of the poison’s damage.

"Tommen holds his arm,” Bertholdt began, “suppressing a groan to try to mask how much the injury hurts.”

“’Allow me to heal you, Tommen,’” Reiner ‘Jonas’ declared.

Bertholdt breathed in, his chest expanding. “’Sure. I’d never object to a handsome man to putting his hands on me.’”

Reiner bit a smile into his cheek. “Jonas shakes the flirtation away, ’I need not touch you for this...’”

“’Too bad.’”

“Oooh, Bertl, Tommen’s a hoe,” Ymir said.

Bertholdt sighed at her comment, but said nothing.

The rest of the session consisted of combing the woods for clues. Encountering more skeletons, and Sodoma snatching Chrysta’s leather belt during the night. The two squared off in a brief battle before Sodoma handed it over. With navigating the bumps of being new players, the game lasted longer and thus they decided to call it quits for the evening before reaching the castle ruins.

The group, plus the three who watched, chatted about the game and other things before moving to the kitchen for more snacks. Reiner retired with Bertholdt to the upstairs terrace. The outdoor lights and jasmine vines created a romantic vibe.

“You seem more relaxed,” Reiner said, leaning against the balcony railing.

Bertholdt sipped a glass of seltzer water. “Yeah. That was a lot of fun."

“So... Tommen does have a thing for Jonas after all.”

He shrugged. “Guess he couldn’t resist his good looks.”

“Will he try to seduce him?”

“I’m not going to spoil it. I mean, Sodoma is very pretty herself, you know. As tieflings often are.”

Reiner gnashed his teeth at the thought of Tommen and Sodoma together. Was he jealous of Bertholdt’s DnD character’s possible relationship with a character that was not his?

_Get it together._

“But wouldn’t bedding such a pious paladin be hotter?”

Bertholdt set his water down on the railing. “Maybe.”

“Tommen could do a lot of... teaching.”

“You think?”

That absolute bastard was playing hard to get.

“He likes brief dalliances,” Bertholdt continued. “Never ever going to bed with someone more than once. He would worry a paladin would want to commit. He’s skeptical of bedding them.”

“Oh please. It’s only a matter of time before he slips into Jonas’s tent and whispers,” Reiner leaned in, “‘paladin, I want you.’”

Bertholdt grew a bit red. “If he did, he’d address you by your name, not your class. He doesn’t want nameless faceless encounters, he wants to bond with them. Their mind and spirit, not just their body.”

Dear god, if that wasn’t the hottest thing Bertholdt had ever said.

Reiner forced an amused expression to offset his growing... rigidity. “But why only limit it to one night? Why not extend that bond beyond across a lifetime?”

“Because he’s married to the forest.”

“What a shame.” Reiner wondered why his hand felt warm when he realized he was caressing Bertholdt’s waist. Their faces mere inches apart. “Oh. Hi.”

He blinked softly. “Hi.”

This kept happening. The tub, the futon at Zeke’s house, and the dojo. Heated encounters that ended before they went anywhere. Two of which Bertholdt was uneasy over. Maybe Pieck was right, Bertholdt was conflicted between lust and shyness. After all, they had been together for a month and not discussed sex once. He knew they should, though he’d much rather do it than talk about it. Sadly, then was not the time for as soon as Bertholdt started to kiss him they were called by Historia.

Reiner just hoped he and Bertholdt sealed the deal before Tommen and Jonas did.


	3. Never Has He Ever

Bertholdt was sure he was going to flat _die_.

Seeing Karina again was nerveracking on its own, but he and Reiner out for dinner with her along with his parents chattering away like they were already in-laws? It was like they were saving up their enthusiasm for one night. And showing each other baby photos? That was worse. They'd seen the pictures before anyway, why was it all so endearing now?

If only he could roll a D20 on an escape...

At least it was one of his favorite restaurants—the one owned by his Greek mother's brother and sister. His beloved pastitsio dish aided his nerves.

Wilhelm clasped his hands together. "I hate that we only just got a chance to do this."

_I hate that Mina got out of this because of her dance recital._

Even Reiner was visibly wilting. Also focusing more on his gyro than the conversation.

It grew worse when his aunt, Lia, came out of the kitchen to gawk at the two. Speaking in her heavy Greek accent about 'lovely boy love' that probably sounded better in her native language. It wasn't that she was rude, he was glad to see her as the restaurant ate up most of her hours. The intensity is what was bothersome. The glaring 'couple' sign above his and Reiner's heads when Bertholdt just wanted to quietly move their courtship forward without a fuss.

After leaving with takeout boxes in tow, they strolled along the riverwalk in the dewy summer evening air. Their parents still chattered as Reiner and Bertholdt dragged their feet. Bertholdt gazed idly at the river. His imagination erased the modern structures around it and replaced them with a fantasy forest. Picturing his character, Tommen, bucketing water from its flow. Cleaning his arrows and enjoying the blissful sound of its babbling. Thinking of the paladin he met on his last quest. His proud stride, his flaxen hair, and his strong biceps. Wondering what the strong warrior would look like beneath a wild ranger such as himself.

Then in the corner of his eye appeared the man himself, Jonas. Stumbling down the riverbank and holding a bleeding wound on his neck. Tommen bolted up and raced to his side. Demanded what was wrong, why he was there, and what attacked him.

Jonas' eyes rolled back and he tumbled to the river with a splash. Tommen swore and hooked his arms beneath his, then hauled him from the water.

 _"T—Tommen...?"_ the paladin uttered.

 _"Worry not,"_ he assured. _"I know a spell to heal your wound."_ He leaned down and placed a sideways kiss on his lips. A wave of magic pulsated across the two and sealed the gash in his neck.

Jonas jerked back. _"That was unholy magic!"_ His lips twitched up despite his protest.

_"Did you like it?"_

He opened his mouth to reply, then kissed Tommen as his answer. Jonas' armor and Tommen's cloak discarded in a hurry as they ravished each other. Their passion boring into the sand and water. The—

"Bertl? Hello?" Reiner asked.

Bertholdt came to, seeing they were back at Karina's car. "Yeah?"

"I'll see you tomorrow for the game? Kenny's getting weirder and weirder. I need to play a game bad."

He nodded. "Right. See you then."

***

"'Oh, you asshole!''" Ymir cried, only partially in Sodoma's voice.

Bertholdt replied as Tommen, "'You were stealing from me!'"

'Sodoma' scoffed. "'Like you need those boots.''"

"'To walk, yes.'"

"Sodoma grips her slashed wrist. 'And to think, I was going to let you cop a feel after all of this.'"

Bertholdt felt Reiner tense beside him.

"'He has more honor than that,'" 'Jonas' said.

Bertholdt slipped his figure further toward Sodoma. "'No, I don't actually...'"

"'Nonsense!'" 'Jonas' bellowed.

"No one wants to see this," Galliard said from his watching position munching caramel corn.

"Hush," Pieck said. "Let their romance blossom."

Bertholdt immediately lost his vibe. "Tommen returns to his tent."

Reiner squinted at Ymir. "Jonas looks angrily at the devilish temptress."

"'Enough,'" Historia 'Chrysta' chimed in. "This isn't fun because I can't lie and make things worse than they already are. I need that spell.'"

Pieck yawned. "Anyone else want a break? I'm exhausted."

"Oh?" Historia deflated. "Sure. I guess we could break."

The others agreed and Ymir stretched before easing behind Historia and giving her hair a light sniff.

She did that a lot.

Bertholdt started to the bathroom and Reiner followed him.

"Are you two really going to the bathroom together?" Annie remarked from by Marcel and Galliard.

They stopped, Reiner saying, "Oh, we are not."

Marcel hopped up. "My bet's that Reiner mans Bertholdt's fly and Bertholdt washes Reiner's hands."

They didn't spend _that_ much time together.

Reiner rolled his eyes and the two exited into the hall.

"We're going to use the bathroom together just like Marcel said, right?" Reiner asked.

Bertholdt blinked. "I don't see why we'd need to."

"Hmm, okay are you afraid to pee in front of me now?"

"Now? When was I—" He was already done with this conversation. Having hoped for perhaps a tantalizing rendezvous, not discussing who had seen who use the bathroom before. Tommen and Jonas would never discuss such things.

They took quick turns in the guest restroom. Bertholdt emerging second and rubbing together his rose soap-softened hands. Reiner stood leaning against the embroidered wall.

"What are you doing?" Bertholdt asked.

"'I think you know, Tommen.'"

He smiled coyly. "Save it for the game."

"'What _game_?'"

Now this is what he had hoped for.

He slid toward him. "'You're acting so unpious.'"

Reiner placed a hand on his chest. "'Do you know what you do to me?'" His mouth twitched a bit, then Bertholdt giggled. Reiner's face sobered and he removed his hand. "Hey, I was thinking, we've never talked about um..."

"Yeah?"

"The thing we haven't talked about yet."

"Oh. Yeah."

"You know what I mean, right?"

_Sex._

"Yeah. S—eh..." The word caught in his throat and he wanted to smack himself. Why was making innuendo and flirting so much easier than saying the word itself?

Reiner gave a nod. "Great. So maybe later we can talk about that."

"Sounds good."

"Great." He mumbled under his breath, "said that already."

Bertholdt rubbed his flushed neck before pointing his thumb behind him. "Go back?"

His brow furrowed. "Back? Oh! The game."

***

Their first mission ended. The party succeeded in slaying the necromancer and ending his reign of terror over the village. Chrysta received her coveted scroll, but sadly it contained only half the spell she sought. Sodoma relished in her gold reward, Jonas boasted of his triumph over evil, and Tommen thanked the others for helping make the woodlands safer. The ranger and paladin had not given into temptations, but there were more games to play.

"Hey, why don't we all go out for a Starbucks?" Historia asked as the group tidied up the room. "Just us couples."

Bertholdt slumped. He had already had his fill of socializing for the day. Plus, he and Reiner had planned a talk.

"You're really just gonna nonchalantly kick out me and Annie?" Marcel protested. "Really?"

Annie shrugged. "I have to be home anyway and you or Galliard has to drive me."

Marcel frowned. "If only I weren't still single and loveless."

"You're not loveless," Reiner assured, patting his back.

He glared. "You know what, Reiner? Save it. I'm mad at you and Bertholdt for never falling in love with me."

"Oh, did I forget to do that?"

He scoffed. "Uh, yeah."

Bertholdt sometimes had trouble telling if Marcel was joking. "I'm sorry?" he tried.

Marcel looked between the two. "In all these years neither of you ever went 'my friend Marcel sure is cute?'"

"In a friendly way," Reiner said.

"Ugh. And now you two use bathroom together and everything. That's what I want." He pouted

"We don't—" Bertholdt began, but decided to let it go.

Marcel begrudgingly took Annie home in the Galliard's car. Reiner drove Bertholdt, Pieck, and Galliard in his car and Ymir took Historia in hers.

Reiner poked Bertholdt in the ribs from the driver's seat, and whispered, "You wanna tell everyone you're sick?"

Moments like those reminded Bertholdt why he loved Reiner. He always knew when he was ready to call it a day.

He considered the fib, but he'd used the excuse enough times he knew they'd catch on. "Nah, I'll be fine."

"That's a shame, because I'm wanting to go home too."

Bertholdt knew a secret about Reiner he doubted anyone else did—he enjoyed relaxing at home more than he let on.

The Starbucks was empty save for one customer on his laptop at a table. Figured, as it was nearing eight in the evening. Bertholdt was grateful for the space.

Historia was already taking out her credit card when Reiner stopped her. "Hey, you spent so much on us already, we can all—"

"It's father's money. Not mine."

She sure did seem to enjoy spending her father's money ad giving away his things. Out of spite it seemed. Bertholdt recalled the Afghan she gave him (that he had warmly curled up with every night since).

Reiner conceded to Historia and they ordered. A chai latte for Bertholdt and Historia. Black coffee for Galliard, a cappuccino for Reiner, decaf vanilla latte for Pieck, a mango dragonfruit refresher for Ymir, and a few cookies for the group to share.

"I'd never have taken you for the pink fizzy drink type," Galliard said to Ymir as they settled on the array of chairs and sofas by the windows.

Ymir sipped her drink through the straw. "I love everything pink and fruity." She paused. "Hey, since we all have drinks, we should play 'never have I ever.'"

Oh no. That game had never gone well for Bertholdt. Once revealing the fact he had eaten from the trash. He had been five when he did it, but Eren had still teased him.

The others agreed readily and Bertholdt nodded along as not to be a buzzkill.

"I'll start, I'm the dungeon master after all," Pieck said, nibbling a chocolate chunk cookie. "Never have I ever drank caffeine past midnight." Everyone else took a drink. "Hm, when I have caffeine I'm bouncing off the walls." She settled against Galliard.

"I would _pay_ to see that," Ymir remarked.

"Okay, okay, my turn," Galliard said. "Never have I ever..." He smirked. "...gotten wasted during vacation."

Oh, the bastard.

Bertholdt and Ymir drank. Ymir's eyes widened at Bertholdt beside her. "You _what_?"

Bertholdt bit his cheek. "At Zeke's a few weeks ago I had a little too much."

"Another thing I'd have _paid_ to seen. Oh, Bertl tell me all about."

"We're in the middle of a game."

She sighed. "Fine."

"My turn then," Bertholdt said. He was going to get Galliard back for that. "Never have I ever been compared to a barnyard animal." He sat back in his seat.

Reiner whistled. "Savage."

Galliard huffed. "Hey, people called you a giraffe you big damn... giraffe."

Bertholdt shrugged a shoulder. "That's not a barnyard animal."

Galliard—with a grumble—and Historia drank.

"Remember people saying I was like a little chirping baby chick?" Historia reminded.

Ymir bumped her with her shoulder. "Aw, I do."

Reiner rubbed his hands together. "My turn. Never have I ever heard so many numbers stations as I do at my job. What is up with Kenny?" The whole group chuckled.

"Numbers stations?" Historia asked, sculpted eyebrow raised.

Reiner frowned. "Yeah, Kenny has a shortwave radio. Keeps them on a lot."

Everyone drank but Pieck.

Pieck shrugged. "I listen to them on occasion. I find them soothing."

"Soothing? They get stuck in my head like a song. Especially when I'm lying in bed at night. You see why I drink to escape." He raised his cappuccino.

"You should grow an angst beard then."

"Angst beard?"

"You know, when a guy gets all sad and forlorn, they grow a beard."

Bertholdt pictured Reiner with a beard. Scratching against his face as he kissed him. He licked his lips. He liked the idea.

"I'll look into it," Reiner said.

"My turn," Ymir said with a grin that sent a chill down Bertholdt's spine. She scanned their group, then eyed the man in corner now wearing earphones. "Never have I ever... seen a boy in this group naked."

This is why Bertholdt hated this game.

Pieck and Historia drank, as did Galliard. Galliard? Oh right. He had he walked in on Bertholdt changing in eighth grade. He confessed the embarrassing event to Reiner shortly after it happened. In hindsight he saw why Reiner got so red.

Bertholdt kept his drink down, considering lying because for god's sake _Pieck and Ymir_ were here. Reiner's own uneasiness was palpable. But both Reiner and Bertholdt brought their drinks to their lips.

Galliard's eyes widened. "Wow, Reiner."

_Fuck you, Porco._

"Are you telling me I've seen your boyfriend a hundred times more naked than you have? Sad."

The rest of the group burst out laughing. Bertholdt kept nursing his chai latte.

"Never?" Ymir asked. "Even as kids?"

Reiner's throat bobbed. "From behind once, sorta. When were swimming when we were seven. Does that count?"

"Eh, not really."

"We should go to a nude beach together," Pieck said.

_And there it is._

"There's one a few hours away," she added.

Bertholdt wanted nothing more than to sink to the floor and roll under the couch. He longed for the awkwardness of the family dinner the night before.

"No need," Galliard said with a raised hand. "I can describe it to Reiner. I have perfect memory."

Reiner's cup wrinkled from his tight grip. "Remember when your girlfriend kissed me in front of you? I do."

Even that spin the bottle was better than this.

"Whatever dude, I saw your boyfriend's dick and you haven't."

Bertholdt's hand shot into his pocket. "Phone's vibrating," he lied. He held the silent device up to his ear. "Hello?"

Historia cocked her head. "I didn't hear it vibrate."

Bertholdt stood up to continue his fake conversation. "Hi, mom." He walked out of view behind a pillar. Hoping his burning cheeks would drain of color in the meantime. He peeked around the corner. "Mom wants me to come home."

Historia pouted. "But I didn't get to go."

"Mom really needs me. You know, sick and all." He cringed internally at using her illness as a crutch. But this was an emergency!

Reiner rose to his feet and handed Bertholdt his latte. "Sorry, Historia. Ymir, can you take them back okay?"

"Yeah," Ymir replied. "But I didn't hear your phone vibrate either."

Galliard and Pieck agreed.

"It did," Bertholdt insisted.

Historia folded her arms. "I'll save my question then."

Reiner apologized then he and Bertholdt departed to Reiner's car. "I didn't hear your phone buzz either," Reiner finally said, setting his drink in the holder.

"It didn't."

Reiner nodded knowingly.

Bertholdt stared out the window as they drove. Head spinning with the scene that transpired. He imagined how Tommen would have reacted to Ymir's question.

 _'No, sadly I have not...'_ And given Jonas a sly glance.

"So," Reiner began as they rolled into Bertholdt's neighborhood. "We were gonna talk about that thing."

Bertholdt lifted his chin from his hand. "Might be better for tomorrow."

"Probably right."

Anything to avoid the inevitable.

Reiner stopped the sedan at the curb by Bertholdt's house. "I feel like your chauffeur."

"I know," Bertholdt said, unclicking his seatbelt. "Mom and dad need to replace the old wagon so I can drive myself." He started to say goodnight, but wanted to end the evening on an up note. "About what Galliard said, that was a few years ago, you know. So it doesn't count."

Reiner waved him off, but clenched his jaw. "It's not a problem."

Lie.

"Well, anyway. Goodnight." He leaned in for a kiss. Both lingered longer than he intended.

A surprise hum left Bertholdt throat as he melted inward. Reiner's mouth was so soft and his lips so pouty. The bottom one made to gently suck on. And when Bertholdt did so Reiner undid his own seatbelt and hooked an arm around his waist.

Perfect. Easy. Smooth. Why ruin it with talk?

They separated for a second. Both laughed under their breath until Reiner kissed him again. And with that they were full-on making out in Karina's car outside Bertholdt's house. Luckily the darkness and trees between the home's front window and the car offered privacy.

"Reiner," Bertholdt breathed in between kisses, "I have to—"

"'Tommen, you're giving me mixed signals.'"

Bertholdt sighed. How could resist this again? "'Apologies,'" he said in Tommen's voice. He painted kisses on Reiner's neck—as he imagined Tommen would. Reiner's breath stuttered and he gripped his shirt collar.

Next thing he knew, Bertholdt's was leading Reiner into the backseat.

"'The carriage has more room back here,'" Bertholdt 'Tommen' said.

Reiner hesitated. "Don't you want to talk about—"

"No, no talking. Let's just..." Bertholdt eased him on his back.

Reiner on his back was certainly a lovely sight. And oh, imagining his ranger doing so to the paladin made it ever sweeter. Bertholdt wiped a drop of sweat from his temple then kissed more along his neck. Reiner's hands traveled down his back before gripping his rear. Bertholdt replied with rolling his hips against Reiner's and found he was definitely getting hard.

"So," Bertholdt started with a dry gulp, reaching for his pants fly, "you wanna be even with you-know-who?"

Reiner's eyelids fluttered in the dim light. "God, yes."

"Go on."

He slid his hand beneath the band of Bertholdt's underwear and he jerked. Fire raced through him and he uttered a tiny moan. Reiner's hand rubbing on his stiff and growing—

Abrupt laughter cut him off. What?

His eyes flew open and he pushed himself up by his hands. "What is it?"

Reiner laughed into his shoulder. "My hand..." More laughter. "Bertl, my hand is on your dick."

Why that was hilarious was beyond him until he looked down and sure enough, Reiner's hand _was_ on his dick.

Bertholdt cracked up and joined his laughing fit. "Yeah, it is. It's still there too."

Never had he considered the hilarity of Reiner touching his most intimate place. But it _was_ hilarious. Love and lust aside, how could his oldest friend rubbing him there not be funny?

Reiner let go, then rubbed his laughter-teared eye. "I'm sorry. I killed the mood."

Bertholdt breathed out a final laugh. "No, don't be. It's okay. I mean, I don't know if I want it to happen like this anyway."

He half-smiled. "Yeah."

"I had a bed in mind. And lots of time to kill."

"Me too." He stroked his hair and stole a quick kiss.

Bertholdt sat on his knees and redid his pants fly. The post laugher high thrumming through his gut. "So..."

Reiner smoothed his hair. "So indeed." He rubbed his shoulder. "Well, at least that memory will entertain me for a while."

Bertholdt pursed his lips. "Mm-hm." He was certainly having quality alone time once he got into bed lest his loins turn blue.

"'I'll see you again soon, Tommen.'"

He grinned. "'Just don't go repenting on me.'"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that I love writing sexual tension and blueballing so much.


	4. Best Week of My Life

Reiner lay back on his bed. The afternoon sun shone a beam of light across his feet. He wiggled his bare toes, enjoying having his shoes off after a long day at work. The slice of heaven with Bertholdt in the car days prior was heavy on his mind. He reached for his phone and opened a message to Bertholdt.

 **Reiner:** **did I tell you about the super hot guy I got to 3rd base with the other night?**

His eyes drifted shut and he replayed the event again, but this time with a happy and sticky ending.

**Bertholdt: Oh?**

**Reiner: he was like six four, beautiful green eyes, HUGE dick from what I could tell**

**Bertholdt: Sounds out of your league**

Reiner chuckled at his phone screen.

**Reiner: he was also a tease :p**

His phone rang with an incoming call from an unknown number. He briefly worried it was someone from whatever illegal operation Kenny was _clearly_ fronting for at the tire shop.

**Reiner: brb phones ringing**

Bertholdt replied with an okay hand emoji, then Reiner answered the call. "Y'ello?"

"Is this Reiner?" asked a young female voice.

He furrowed his brow. "Yes?"

"This is Gabi!"

His cousin, Gabi! He had helped his mother call and speak with her brother, but hadn't yet spoken to his cousin.

Reiner sat up. "Well hey, Gabi. How'd you get my number?"

"You texted my dad with your phone, remember?"

"Ah, right. Well wow, didn't expect a call from you."

"I really wanted to talk to you. It's boring here and there's nothing to do. We live in the middle of the desert." He detected an eye roll.

"Oh yeah, that's gotta suck. Your dad said you're part of a paintball team though. Is that right?" Which sounded awfully intense for a twelve-year old, but if Gabi was still anything like she had been at two, then she could handle it.

"Yeah! I'm on a team with three other kids from school."

"Nice. Impressive for your age. No matches soon?"

"Thanks! And no, not until this weekend."

They chatted for a while longer. Gabi sent him a slew of pictures from her paintball team—including a boy with glasses who reminded him of a young Bertholdt—and various other photos from what looked a busy life.

Reiner also shared photos of his own. His lacrosse team, his house, and his friends. Frowning when he realized he and Bertholdt had no photos as a couple (and he vowed to rectify that). However, Gabi's enthusiasm was infectious and perked him right back up. They promised to hound their parents until they could have a reunion.

***

"This place is awesome," Reiner declared to Bertholdt. His eyed sparkled as he absorbed Tybur's Royal Cards and Games. Shelves of comics and games, glass cases of figurines, and themed plushies. He filed through a rack of graphic tees and found a DnD-themed one reading, 'They're Ain't No Party Like A DnD Party 'Cuz a DnD Party Don't Stop Until The Healer Is Dead And We've Used Up All Our Potions '

"Hey, Bertl," Reiner called. "Are we dorks enough to wear one of these?" He plucked the shirt from the rack.

Bertholdt strolled over from the manga section. " _You_ are."

"Someday I'm gonna tell the world how mean you are to me."

He smiled his that adorable boyish smile. "Get it if you really want."

"Only if you get one too and we wear it at the same time."

"Absolutely not."

"Don't you think Tommen would do it?"

"Maybe if it gets him laid."

Reiner's eyes widened at the risque language—risque for Bertholdt. "Yeah?" Bertholdt made an affirmative hum and started going though the rack. Reiner was about to quip back when he caught something at the far end of the store. He gasped. "Bertholdt... look."

Before he could even turn, Reiner was pulling him across the store. A glistening life-sized silver suit of armor with a helmet, sword, and shield stood proud.

Reiner ran a tentative hand across the embroidered crest on the breastplate (it felt real!). "It's beautiful..."

Bertholdt's hand ghosted over the sword. "I wonder where it came from."

"Excuse me?" asked a smooth male voice. "You dropped your shirt."

"Huh?" Reiner pried his eyes away to see the clerk from the register holding his DnD shirt. "Oh, thanks." He took the shirt and scratched his neck.

The clerk brushed a strand of silky blond hair behind his ear. "Enjoy the sculpture?"

"Yeah. It's incredible. Where'd you get it?"

"It's an heirloom. Passed down through my family for a hundred years dating to our origins in Bavaria."

"So, it's real?"

"As real as the man who wore it."

Reiner turned to marvel at it again. "Whoa."

"Are you one of the owners?" Bertholdt asked the clerk.

"Yes." He held out his hand. "Willy Tybur."

Reiner returned the firm handshake and introduced himself. "Reiner. This is Bertholdt."

Bertholdt gave a nod. "Nice to meet you."

"Say, Reiner," Willy began, taking a step back and looking him up and down, "you look the same stature and build. You think you could fit into the suit?"

Reiner blinked several times. "I—yes."

"Do you photograph well? We've been wanting to take promotional photos for the store, but neither me nor my sister fits the suit."

He was dreaming. This didn't happen in real life. Asked to model a real suit of armor after talking to the store owner for a minute? Come on...

"Are you serious?" Reiner asked.

"I'm not a man who wastes time with frivolous jokes."

"Can I hold the sword too?"

"Of course."

He turned to Bertholdt, who stood with that boyish smile. "You're perfect for it."

Reiner swallowed a squeal of excitement. "So uh, when can I—oh I'll have to talk to my mom first. Give parental consent I guess?"

Willy raised an eyebrow. "Goodness, you look older than you are.

_Yeah._

"And yes of course," Willy added. "I'll speak to your guardians."

***

Reiner had had only two moments he felt life altering: picking Warrior at the shelter, and first kissing Bertholdt. This was number three.

Reiner stood armor-clad on the sidewalk before the game shop. Its immense weight pulling on his limbs as Willy helped him into it. But the fit was perfect, as if crafted for him instead of a Tybur ancestor. Who knew, maybe that's who Reiner was in his past life.

Karina happily took pictures of her own, Bertholdt at her side. "That's my son," she chirped to the owner, Ms. Tybur. "Look how strong he grew up."

"He looks decent," Ms. Tybur replied, attention remaining on the old-style camera she adjusted. Reiner swore the severe woman was a time traveler from the Victorian era.

Reiner glowed as he watched his mother from the corner of his eye. The first person he told about the offer was her. Just as he'd promised in their attempt to mend their relationship. Her reaction was nothing short of glee.

Reiner held out the longsword as the Tyburs began photographing. A jolt of nerves found him as a few passers-by slowed to watch for a moment. To curb his anxiety, he imagined he was Jonas after a great battle against evil. He found Bertholdt's gaze and imagined Tommen's ogling.

After a swath of photos were taken—Ms. Tybur calling out a few callous but helpful remarks—the session ended. Karina and Bertholdt congratulated a now baking Reiner. No one told him the inside of armor would be that hot. He felt like a celebrity when Bertholdt offered him a thermos of water.

"Hey, what's that?" Reiner asked Bertholdt after a chug.

A green garment lay draped over his arm. "Oh, it's a cloak." He held it out and showed off its flowing length. "Bought it inside while you were talking to Willy. It's supposed to be a ranger's cloak so I thought instead of the DnD shirt I'd wear this as a compromise."

Reiner pondered a moment then licked his lip. He scanned the area and saw the two Tyburs chatting by the camera.

"Hey, you guys?" Reiner called the two. "Since I'm doing this for free and all, think you can spare some pictures for fun?"

Ms. Tybur frowned, but Willy stepped forward and said, "Certainly."

"Bertl," Reiner started, "put on the cloak. You'll be the ranger and me the warrior. Like Jonas and Tommen."

Bertholdt was camera shy, but Reiner hoped he would make an exception.

Bertholdt lowered the cloak and glanced at the camera. "Sure."

"And then with me?" Karina prodded Reiner. "I'd love to send this to Otto."

Reiner gave her a finger-gun. "You got it." Gabi would probably love it too.

Bertholdt snapped the tags off the cloak and pulled it over his shoulders, leaving his face shaded by the hood. The two took their place by the store window. Bertholdt lay an awkward hand lay on Reiner's plated shoulder.

Bertholdt really was camera shy.

"Oh, you can do better than that," Reiner said, and pulled Bertholdt against him by his waist. Bertholdt let out a little 'ah' and cracked a nervous smile. Reiner's imagination placed his and Bertholdt's characters being painted by a bard after defeating a rogue evil.

"Not bad," Willy commented. "But Bernard, try unclenching."

Bertholdt slumped. "It's Bertholdt."

"My apologies, Bertholdt. Now smile, for heck's sake."

He forced a smile that would look no better on camera. So Reiner leaned up and planted a kiss on his cheek that earned a giggle. His fingers eased back the hood just enough to place another kiss on his temple, causing Bertholdt's face to flush. Kissing his cheek or forehead was a guaranteed way to make Bertholdt smile. If only he could kiss him all the time so he'd never stop smiling.

Karina squealed. "Oh, your parents and your aunt and uncles are going to love these," she told Bertholdt.

Bertholdt instantly retensed.

***

After the shoot, Reiner had Bertholdt, Marcel, Galliard, and Pieck over to his house for a game of DnD. The brothers' plain action figures and a generic paper map were a substantial downgrade from Historia's setup. But Reiner loved the game regardless of fancy scenery.

"I sketched our characters," Marcel boasted, laying the sheet down on the kitchen table beside his character's profile; a buxom redheaded monk named Chastity.

Reiner shook his head at the sketch. "Really, Marcel?"

He snatched it back. "Hey, I am desperate and alone so I made a girlfriend. Sue me."

Pieck rested her head on her divider. "Mm, but don't you think that barely-covered rack should come with an armor penalty?"

"Seems fair," Marcel agreed.

Galliard bounced on his feet. "Okay, now look at mine. Isn't he cool?"

Bertholdt took a gander at the drawing; a roaring barbarian named Kiedis. "Is he supposed to be Greek?"

"He looks kind of like you," Reiner said to Bertholdt. "But really muscular."

Galliard blanched. "What? No, he doesn't."

Marcel blinked. "Huh. He does actually. Guess I subconsciously drew Bertholdt when you said 'Greek.'"

He threw up his hands. "Aw, man. I don't wanna play as buff Bertholdt. Damnit, Marcel."

"He's so sexy though," Reiner said, leering at Kiedis' glistening abs, then patted Bertholdt's shoulder. "But you're perfect just the way you are."

Bertholdt breathed a laugh. "Thanks."

The game began and Reiner drifted into its magical world. A sword on his back, bright sunlight on his paladin's face, and a mission to rescue a young girl taken captive by gnolls.

"She's around twelve years-old, dark brown hair, and has a feisty attitude," Pieck narrated once they reached the gnoll stronghold. "'Hey! Get your grubby mitts off me!'" Pieck said in young girls' voice.

The girl reminded Reiner of Gabi.

"'I will save the girl!'" Galliard's called out in Kiedis' impossibly low voice. His character had the trait of being protective over women and girls to a fault.

Reiner held back a growl and 'Jonas' declared, "'No, I'm the level-headed one here. You stand back."

"The girl yells out, 'come on, you two! Let's blow this popsicle stand!'" Pieck announced.

_Do they have popsicles in this world?_

"'Fine, how about we... work together,'" Galliard 'Kiedis' grumbled. Reiner wondered if Galliard's throat hurt from the strain of that awful voice..

The two begrudgingly joined forces and sliced through the stronghold's prison guards while Tommen and Chastity prevented more hostile gnolls from following them. Inside, Kiedis failed to deliver a rage-induced final blow on the gnoll's leader before Jonas finished it off.

Galliard sputtered, "But I'm... a barbarian?"

"That's how dice rolls work, piglet," Pieck said with a comforting smile.

"'Ah, I need help,'" Marcel 'Chastity' cried in a falsetto, and grabbed his chest. "'My boobies have been struck!'"

Reiner let out a short sigh. "Thanks for ruining immersion with the word 'boobies.'"

"Fine." Marcel cleared his throat. "'My bosom has been struck!'"

"'No worries, my dear,'" Bertholdt 'Tommen' said. "'I have a healing spell left to cast on your... afflicted area'"

"Jonas glares," Reiner said of his paladin.

"And the girl asks for a drink of water," Pieck said. "Remember her, you horny animals?"

Reiner felt Jonas' shame for letting his feelings overpower his judgment. "I immediately take my eyes off the two and offer my canteen to the girl."

"She drinks it up like mother's milk, and thanks you as she hasn't had any in over a day. Then she launches into a tackle hug." Reiner laughed and rolled a constitution saving throw to see if the hug knocked him over. It did. Reiner thought back to his phone call with Gabi and her eagerness to see him. He wondered if she too were strong enough to topple him.

Their session finished with the girl revealing her name as Ella and her identity as a prodigy sorceress who could hear people's dead loved one's last thoughts. Creating a strong scene for Chastity and Kiedis who had lost someone horribly.

The five retired to the living room and grabbed snacks before Marcel and Galliard received a text from their mother. Asking for their help to set up for an event at their country club.

"Unlike you, Bertholdt," Galliard began, rising his feet and stretching, "this really is from our mom."

Bertholdt pouted. "My mom _did_ call me."

Galliard gave a sarcastic nod.

"Well, they're my ride, I have to take off too," Pieck said. Then winked at Reiner and Bertholdt. "You two have fun."

Why did she have to do that?

After gathering their things and saying goodbye, Reiner and Bertholdt stood at the door in silence. Save for Reiner's dog, Warrior, snoring on the couch.

Bertholdt slid a hand on his pocket. "I didn't think they'd be leaving so soon."

"Neither did I." Reiner looked at his watch. 6:14 PM.

"When does your mom get off work?"

"Two hours."

He pursed his lips. "Huh."

"Two hours to kill. Alone"

Bertholdt adjusted his shirt collar. "All alone..."

Reiner recalled how good his week had been. Speaking to Gabi, the photoshoot, the game, fooling around with Bertholdt... And what would make the week perfect? Finally seeing Bertholdt naked.

And _god_ he wanted to see him naked.

Reiner's phone beeped. He pulled it from his pocket it from the table hoping it was Willy. Kenny again. No. Kenny would not ruin this.

_Not today, satan._

"Who's that?" Bertholdt asked.

"No one." He turned his phone off then grazed Bertholdt's wrist. "Hey so, you wanna go to my room?"

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment if you want, I love chatting with y'all!


End file.
